Thinking maybe we found it......
But eventually once we find it, we ultimately realize that even though WE wanted it, it wasn't meant to be,
I'm talking about love of course.....a subject that seems to allude us daily even though we might find it within reach.
Being a author who writes about romance and love between two people, you would think that I myself might have someone to love.
Well sadly the answer to that question is......no.
It's kind of awkward to say the least that someone who writes such tales of love of course would have a special someone in their life.
Again....that answer is no.
Why you wonder?
Well.....how can I plainly put this?
For years, I use to be the optimist, telling people that there is someone out there for you, that all you have to do is wait and when you least expect it, love will come your way.
But for me, love never came knocking on my door or bumping into me when I went to the store or whatever. I had always been the type who went looking for love and always always ended up getting my heart stomped into the ground by men who I thought would love me but eventually got scared.
Example (and honestly I don't mind using this as an example):
I had known this guy for a number of years, we would laugh and talk constantly online and over the phone and even text each other. Even though we lived far apart, I thought that something could happen more between us. Being apprehensive about letting him know how I really felt about him, I waited until I knew the right time to let him know. Eventually I went on ahead and let him know how I felt, in a email of course, but of course, what happened next completely broke me bad. He told me even though he did feel the same way, it was the distance that made the whole thing of us being together very hard. Even through the tears, I never could understand why but then he stated to me that he had been with someone else who had hurt him so bad in the past, I realized that maybe because of this, he felt like he couldn't be with anyone else. So....we just decided to remain friends.....or so I thought....because once we started to talk again, it was basically just small talk of "hello", "fine","alright". And then he just stopped talking altogether to me and I never heard a word from him again.
I can vouch for the fact that I have never had a good rapport with men since day one. Most of the men that have come into my life in the past have been nothing more than men who I thought loved me and I wanted them to love me but of course only ended up using me for what they could get out of me.
But after dealing with one guy (who I have to say did probably the worse thing that another human being could do to another), I took a big step back and looked at what I myself might have done wrong.
Well it took me a very long bit of soul searching to realize that honestly I needed to be thinking of me first and foremost before anything else.
So that's what I have done with my life......thought about me first.
Now don't get me wrong.....I do want to be loved, hell we all want to be loved by the right man or woman. We want that affection and love that we all crave and desire in life.
To have someone stand up for us when someone says something bad about them
To have someone just call them out of the blue and say "I love you" just because.....
To have someone hold them in their arms and let them know that they are the only one that matters to them.
We all want that and MORE to boot.
But in all honesty for me, I do want to be loved and feel loved......but by the right one. I honestly don't go looking for love anymore because of the simple fact that I am tired of being hurt by men especially men that I know are no good for me and think that just because I am the way that I am that I just might be desperate or something.
Insane.....well that's yet to be verified yet
Right now at this time, I am single......not by choice.....but just single because I feel that love or that special someone that I know will show me the love that I deserve has come my way yet.
Do I get tired of waiting you wonder?
Well.....yeah I do get tired BUT I would rather wait for someone that I know will be the one instead of getting with someone will use me or dog me out and eventually make me realize that I fucked up.
So patiently I sit and wait while I continue to write my stories of love and happiness because I know it will come my way.........
And when it does......well.....that's a future story to be written sometime in the future.